Talking about yelling

A poignant message for hockey parents everywhere from a couple of hockey moms.

Melanie Wanless has a very Canadian story behind her business. And she hopes to change some parts of Canadian sports culture with it.

“Guilty pleasure, a beer, Friday night and What Not to Wear,” she said. “That show is about self-awareness and how women were dressing and how it affected their self confidence.”

And it’s a very Canadian issue she’s trying to approach, conflict in the arena, and now workplace.

She’s launched What Not To Yell, and whatnottoyell.com, with a partner out of Halifax. Their hope is to approach and change that part of sports that sees parents more exuberant, and more aggressive then need be in an arena. It’s about the lost perspective parents seem to suffer from when cheering on their little charge, and the competitive nature that can take over all of us. And it’s about self awareness, and educating people on just how the conflict they’re creating can affect their life, and their work.

And the Caledon East mom of three boys said the reception has been positive and enthusiastic, and the hope is to spread the message nationally.

“It’s about really sitting back and watching people, exploring what are the triggers, what are the outcomes, and really, if you can understand the outcomes, you can make the right choices,” Wanless said. “And if you make the right choice, you can change the outcome.”

Wanless took her training in the corporate world and thought about the sports world and ‘yelly crap’ that happens in the arenas that make up her home life and went wow, it’s all about self awareness.

“If people were truly aware of their behaviours, they wouldn’t do what they did,” she said.

So the first idea was tongue and cheek. She told her girlfriend she was going to do a show called What Not To Yell, and it was going to be four steps to behaviour change. She would videotape a person yelling, so they could see how they look. They would then be able to hear themselves, see the impact on the people, and experience the conversation in the car ride on the way home to end it – the after effects.

And it’s incredible how close her business is to that tongue and cheek idea.

What Not To Yell offers workshops on conflict. What it is, how to recognize it, how to manage and deal with it, but also, and almost most importantly, awareness of how one acts within conflict.

“As adults, it’s the behaviour that we’re modeling for our kids, so you want to model the right behaviour,” she said. “Self control, awareness, it’s about who you are and what you do.”

Wanless launched it with her partner Andrea Janzen, both certified executive coaches.

Her own background is in training and development in the healthcare industry, with Janzen a marketer from the retail industry. Composing the workshops was not a trial for these two, and conducting them the same. But the subject matter is heavy, and it’s clear that while Wanless teaches the methods she also makes an effort to live them and is intent on creating an athletic world that is fun and relaxing for all again.

As her website reads, “it’s just a game…or is it?”

“The other piece is about consciousness, being conscious of your choice, of your environment,” she said. “Our key message is to embrace conflict, and reaction is a choice. Whether sports or business, it’s about embracing conflict.”

And What Not To Yell crosses into both arenas. Wanless and her partner also offer the same workshops on conflict for those in an office atmosphere.

“It will drive your business forward,” Wanless said.

Find out more at: whatnottoyell.com